Best places ever.

Wroclaw.
I hope Poland does well tonight!

Is being naïve the only way of seeming sane?

“Well, free time will most likely be the time when you'll be desperately trying to escape reality.”

The idea of destination always seemed strangely comforting to me. Perhaps, the Christian upbringing have had some impact on it. Either way the belief that your entire existence is pre-written, just like a film scenario (hopefully an American high-school chick flick or a pre-1914 romance drama) is tranquil at the very least. But as per usual, with the comfort there goes the naïvety.

As important as we might feel after being told how beautiful and unique we are, the reality just proves you otherwise. Stronger and more directly every single time. Unnecessary and accidental – that's how most of us feel a lot of the time. There are almost 7 billions human being on the Earth alone. The only difference between us is the height, weight and colour. Nothing really remarkable. We all have similar needs and all have our hopes. And the planet Earth is just a dust-like part of the Milky Way, which is just a miniature fraction of the known universe.

Now, leaving the science trivia behind, (I am not even going to try to explain, or understand the concept of alternative universes into it – that on the other hand makes us into God-like creatures) I want to focus on the part about an accident. Life is just a series of events and incidents that can be an opportunity to fail or succeed. How many babies do you know of who were actually planned? The fact that most of us came to be is a mere accident. So where do you really get the motivation to seize every opportunity and take a risk when really you don't know if it's worth it? Maybe life is only what we put into it? I'm not sure. So far I am anything but satisfied. Lately I have realized that my efforts are not changing a thing. Therefore I have only myself to blame if I will end up a a beggar, seeing as my youth was too consumed with wasting time.

I am seventeen. I've never been more disappointed. There are two possible explanation that I want to consider:

a) most people that I know (or know of) genuinely do not give a shit and they have all they need for now, or at least that what it seems like. On the contrary, the ones that try the hardest keep just getting nowhere near the desired outcome. Personally, I'm stuck somewhere in-between. Maybe, the fact that I'm actually writing the entire thing down on paper using a fancy Parker pen before posting it here, with Guns n'Roses in the background, wearing just a leopard print nightgown says something. I am not a one to judge.

But I am digressing here. Reason “b” as aforementioned is something that my lovely friend accidentally (there we go again) said today.

Let's re-literate his exact words into something more poetical. “Once you get a taste of something better, the old will never be enough.” And I am not talking about eating free-range eggs for a few months and they getting back to Tesco-own. Without going into too much detail, it sums up the emotional withdrawal caused by departing from beloved friends and family and not living the life to the fullest at all. This time last summer I was probably stoned out of my skull or consuming enough to lead to a serious intoxication. I was also on a verge of a mental breakdown and giving in completely to the hungry claws of anorexia. It might be a Friday night and I am quietly sat with my copy of Lord of the Rings. I am nowhere near content. These accidents might have a positive outcome eventually. For now I'm just stuck here missing the person who has done all the things I

am not proud of. Finding it hard to believe, but impossible to deny.

It all goes away so fast. Nothing lasts forever.